I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
