Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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