i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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