Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
