put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
