We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
