wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
