I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
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I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.