Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.