you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today