I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?