Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!