i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.