just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!