I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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