dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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