It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize