The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
