You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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