Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
