New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
