So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
