just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
