I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Randomize
