We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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