You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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