somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
