Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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