thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
