Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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