do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
