I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize