I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
