I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
