Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
