Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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