just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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