I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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