you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
