My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
my liver is dry heaving
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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