I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
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How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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