So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Also, beer. Big fan.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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