is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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