I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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