What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
