i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize