Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We need to get me chipped asap
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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