I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
