I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
