we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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