mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
