He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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