Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I got inside last night via doggy door
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
