covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
