Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
