umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i will never coherently bang her
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
