Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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