I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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