Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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