I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
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doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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