No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
