I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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