Porn is love you can see.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
