When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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