Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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