i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
