I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
